At work today, I was cleaning out some of my gmail files and came
across this note that I wrote who knows when. I don't remember what I
was going through at that time, but God was surely talking to me.
The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. I've heard that
several times in the last few years at Granger Community Church.
Today, I'm spending time dwelling on that statement.
When it comes to the suffering in the world, indifference is much
worse than hate. But I believe that in our culture we take this to an
excruciating extreme.
How often do we see women and men staying in relationships that are
physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive? The act of abuse out of
"love" is better than the alternative, no "love" at all. In my own
life, I experience this in other ways. Either with a sarcastic
friend/acquaintance, who pokes fun of me "out of love". Or with my
sarcasm and criticism of those who I want to be liked by. But the
truth is, in these scenarios, either I'm being hurt or I'm hurting
another.
How messed up is that? The primary way I feel and express love is
through pain. When do I start loving like Jesus and expecting that
same kind of love in return?
I guess it goes back to how I express and define love.
I'm not saying that these people in my life don't honestly care about
me. They do. They and I just don't know how or are scared to express
it in a true way. And it all stems from vulnerability."If I joke, than
we are all laughing." No rejection."I really like this person, but if
he/she doesn't return those feelings, I'll be wounded. So I'm going to
berate them in some way first." I'll reject you before you can reject
me. And now I've manipulated you into having some sort of feelings for
me. It may not be love, but its not indifference (I am so embarrassed
knowing I have done this.)
Can't we find a place where we can love everyone without it becoming
lopsided and twisted? Possibly. But first, we have to redefine love
(or understand its true meaning.)
Love isn't sex, attraction, compatibility, romance, passion, wealth,
success, or even marriage. Not that these are bad. They can be great.
They are natural by-products of love, but not love itself. When we
begin to think these attributes are love, we head down a path of sin.
Lust, greed, pride, and envy all spawn from these false definitions of
love.
So what is love?
Paul defined love in his first letter to the Corinthians.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight
in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Corinthians 13:4-8
I have heard these verses many many times. I know them in my head, but
not in my heart. It's not like I don't understand them. It's that I
don't recognize them. I don't see love in myself or most others. By
Paul's definition, we are all terrible lovers.
How do we become better lovers? The answer is simple and nothing new
to my fellow Christ-followers. Be more like Christ. We have the
instructions in the gospel. Jesus loved, truly loved all he came in
contact with. He wasn't romantic, attracted, or drawn toward any one
person. He loved them all equally and still does.
Does this mean you must like everyone and be liked by everyone? Do you
think He liked everyone? Probably not. But he loved them. He loved
them/us enough to die on the cross. That's love. That's truth.
None of this is original. I have heard it either in messages, books,
or conversations. But today this knowledge has moved from my head
to my heart. As a single women over 30, I continually think to myself,
"how great it would be to be loved."
But when did I ever stop being loved?
Today, I'm asking myself this question as well as...Where in my life
am I substituting attention for love? How do I deal with my perceived
indifference? How do I use my new revelation in my life ministry? And,
how do I become a lover like Christ?
I hope you all do the same.
